I Am Pretty Nervous About Seeing A Counsellor
If you are considering going to see a counsellor or a therapist for the first time it’s only natural to have some concerns. As Tom Vellner writes in his story 7 Fears I Had About Therapy That Never Came True “I thought my problems weren’t ‘real’ enough.”
First Time Nerves
First time nerves, concerns and questions? – this is very normal. What happens first? Do I have to answer awkward questions? Can I keep my privacy? Will I have to talk about my childhood? Will online counselling be easier than face to face?
Tom Vellner writes that “those concerns certainly came up for me when I decided to start therapy for my anxiety a few years ago. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do for my mental health, I had doubts about whether the experience would really benefit me and worried about how the sessions would make me feel.”
Tom and the thousands of people who access counselling and therapy across the planet will attest to how surprisingly supportive and helpful counselling can be. Here are some of the most common fears:
(note: the terms therapist and counsellor are both used here: they are one in the same)
1. I didn’t think a counsellor could tell me anything I didn’t already know about myself.
TOM: “Yeah, but I know the things that stress me out, so I can work though this myself — that’s what I said when a loved one suggested I consider counseling after she heard I was burning out, hard. I couldn’t see how a therapist who barely knew me could offer any insight into my life. The deaths and illnesses in the family, my coming out, my work stress — I’d run through it all a thousand times in my head. I knew every twist and turn by heart. There’s no way a stranger could shift my perspective on things that are so ingrained at this point, right?”
What Tom and thousands of others have found is that even though you may know your own stories very well, your counsellor will hear the story, see patterns and shed fresh perspectives. You may have never acknowledged the positives such as your strengths, the ways you managed or how coping was a survival skill.
Questions asked skillfully can open us up to seeing our own biases, blind spots and help us to find the road to feeling more positive, less stressed and calmer.
2. I pictured the therapist taking furious notes while I laid on a couch sobbing.
TOM: “I can blame this assumption on TV and movies, I guess. I’ve had a therapist who took notes here and there, and I’ve had one that didn’t take any notes at all. I’ve sat on a couch every time, sure, but always sitting upright, and never sobbing. So, if you’re scared that your sessions are going to look like a cliché New Yorker cartoon, fear not! You can plant yourself on that couch however you please, and your therapist won’t necessarily be scribbling on a notepad for 45 minutes straight either. I’ve found that it’s much more casual than I ever imagined.”
The emotional release brings relief – and I seek to balance a session so there are many moments where comfort and relaxing is the focus. Counselling can bring up some emotions that have been sitting under the surface for ages fueling the distress that may be the reason you are sitting here with your counsellor.
It’s not unusual for us to have a good laugh along the way. We are simply two people connecting and sharing time together – it is never meant to be dramatic.
3. I feared my friends and family wouldn’t understand.
TOM: “Although it’s not as strong as it used to be, there’s still a pervasive stigma around going (to counselling or) therapy — that it’s just for “crazy” people, that it’s weak to ask for help in this way… the more people I told, the more I discovered they were already in therapy or considering starting. Best friends! Cousins! My boss!… All it takes is one person who’s willing to start the conversation in order for people to come out of the woodwork with their own therapy experience and normalize what should be seen as a smart, sensible practice.”
People from all parts of our Australian community are seeking counselling. Anxiety is the most common health condition in Australia and everyone should have access to practitioners that offer private counselling in person or in a secure online environment. Online counselling has the benefit that you can “see” your counsellor in the privacy of your own home, and nobody else needs to know.
No need to feel any shame – you deserve support, it is what we do when we are struggling, we heal in relationships not on our own – that’s being human. If you or someone you care about is struggling then reach out for support.
4. I didn’t feel like my problems were “real” enough to benefit from therapy.
TOM: “This is another effect of the stigma around therapy — it’s often seen as something reserved for those with severe mental illness. In turn, I thought my everyday stressors and traumatic experiences from my childhood didn’t count or weren’t pressing enough to warrant professional help. Even though I was seriously spinning out at the time, I still believed I could get through it on my own.”
The first counselling session brings immense relief for most first timers. To hear your therapist expressing an understanding of what you have shared, hearing her listing all the reasons why you might feel the way you do – this is a great relief.
Do you think that you can soldier on and as time passes the stressors will ease? The reality is that feelings get pushed down as you try to cope, and armor up. Then the little things that were once easy to deal with start to become too hard. You may be crying more easily, have angry outbursts, or feel foggy in the head – some indicators that it’s time to get some support.
By Jane Macnaught
You can read the full story by Tom Vellner HERE.
Excerpts reprinted here with Tom’s permission.
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Jane Macnaught 
E: counsellor@tranquilloplace.com M: +61 425 152 490
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