Setting a protective personal boundary is an act of self love and self compassion. Many of us haven’t learnt how to have these limits or imaginary lines. They can be pretty important for our self esteem and our sense of wellbeing. Discussing boundaries and ways to establish them in your world is a regular topic in my counselling sessions. In this article I share some resources and 3 tips on building boundaries.
Boundaries help us to be assertive without being offensive and to experience other people without being offended. When boundaries are well developed you will find you are more easily able to protect yourself physically, sexually, intellectually and emotionally from other people. Consider how boundaries make interactions more comfortable as people experience relationships with a comfortable level of intimacy.
Interestingly when we have clear boundaries we can also be more compassionate to others. I learnt this a few years ago when I discovered Brene Brown, she says “The most compassionate people are the most boundaried”. Have a listen to her in this video:
3 Tips on Building Boundaries
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Check your warning light signal system is working.
Imagine that your body is like a car, with a dashboard full of warning lights. We can use this metaphor to help us acknowledge and sense our personal boundary system. Think about how you feel when you’re around someone who drains you and upsets you, someone with whom you feel you lose yourself.
How does this feel in your body? And in your mind?
How does the presence of this person affect you?
Sensing the impact the other person has on your body can be the first step in understanding what is okay for you, and what is not okay. The body can act like a security system, feelings in your body send warnings that your personal energy field has been breached, and you’re letting in stuff that isn’t yours.
You may feel warm, tense, stiff, racing heart, breathing changes and so on… there are many body signals that are created when our boundaries are breached.
When our boundaries are weak, unguarded, or unclear, we let in all sorts of stuff that isn’t actually our stuff, and we give away our own personal energy unconsciously.
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Ground yourself as preparation for maintaining boundaries.
Grounding is akin to the way a tree sinks her roots to stay secure in a storm. It’s the first tool in creating healthy boundaries—nurturing a connection with ourselves, with our centre, with our inner knowing or intuition
Our root system is both our anchor and our boundary system. Grounding keeps us from being blown about in other people’s winds. It gives us a way to focus and still ourselves to connect with our heart and our intuition. That’s what keeps us steady and connected and focused.
There are as many ways to ground: the classic way is to imagine your own root system connecting me into the earth, like a giant oak tree.
Try different ways—you’ll find the one that works for you! You can read more on this: Grounding Habits For Reducing Anxiety
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Notice the people and places that tend to drain you.
Before entering those places or exposing yourself to those people, imagine breathing a bubble of protective energy around you.
Think of it as a space that will only allow love and positivity inside it, deflecting anything else.
Really see it and really feel the force of it around you. Then recognize what you need to do to maintain that space.
These three steps will help you create and maintain healthy boundaries. Building boundaries is like any muscle or practice—the more you work with it, the better it serves you!
Read more on Brene Brown and Boundaries
By Jane Macnaught
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Jane Macnaught
E: counsellor@tranquilloplace.com M: +61 425 152 490
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Tranquillo Place: Counselling | Mediation | Relationships
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